South Park and romance don’t exactly mesh together. The quiet little mountain town is much more likely to welcome alien invaders than to encourage a nurturing relationship. Thus, it’s unsurprising that many of the couples in South Park are incompatible, constantly fighting, or otherwise destined to fail. At the same time, a select few characters have defied the odds and found genuinely loving relationships.
- Release Date
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August 13, 1997
- Seasons
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26
Unfortunately, many of the couples in the show only feature in a handful of episodes, which can make it hard to determine whether they’re soul mates or big-no-mates. However, in the case of the characters on this list, it seems obvious that five of the couples are headed for ruin while the other five have a chance at real happiness.
10
Best: Tolkien Black and Nichole Daniels
Tolkien and Nichole first met in the Season 16 episode, “Cartman Finds Love.” After Nichole moved to town, Cartman believed she and Tolkien were destined to be together, since they were the only Black children in school. He went to great lengths to orchestrate their relationship by locking them in a locker room, convincing Nichole that her crush, Kyle, was gay, and gifting the duo teddy bears under the pretense that they gave them to each other.
This last act would lead Nichole to break up with Tolkien, as she began to worry that they were only dating because of their race. Fortunately, she and Tolkien would later discuss these fears and choose to be together, regardless of others’ opinions.
Sweet but Understated
To be fair, not much has been seen of this couple since they first began dating. They broke up in “Skank Hunk,” but so did the rest of the fourth grade couples, and as of “Dead Kids,” they’re back together and trying to work on their relationship. Additionally, in “Cartman Finds Love,” it was shown that they genuinely enjoyed their time together and were mature enough to talk through their issues. We’d say that sounds like a pretty healthy relationship for two kids—especially two kids in South Park, of all places.
9
Worst: Randy and Sharon Marsh
Randy and Sharon Marsh are Stan and Shelly’s parents. Although they’ve experienced a handful of sweet moments throughout the show, the bulk of their relationship has been spent arguing. They’ve already divorced twice, first in the Season 2 episode “Clubhouses” and again in Season 15’s “You’re Getting Old.” Unfortunately, things only seem to be getting worse, as Randy’s dream to own a weed farm has been a constant nightmare for Sharon.
Not End Game
In “Season Finale,” after Randy was arrested, Sharon reacted with joy. Additionally, in South Park: Post Covid, it was revealed that Sharon and Randy had nearly divorced a third time. All of this combined leads us to assume that Sharon and Randy aren’t meant to be, and as Randy’s antics continue to worsen, Sharon should remember that third time’s the charm.
8
Best: Stan Marsh and Wendy Testaburger
Stan and Wendy’s relationship was first introduced in the series’ premiere. While trying to kiss, Stan wound up vomiting on her, which would become a reoccurring joke. The two would later appear in some incredible episodes together, including “Insheeption” and “The List.” The former sees Wendy supporting Stan through his hoarding habit, while the latter follows them as they work together to uncover the truth of the girls’ secret list.
Deep Learning
Admittedly, as good as they are for one another, Stan and Wendy can also bring out the worst in each other. In “Tom’s Rhinoplasty,” jealousy over Stan led Wendy to orchestrate her teacher’s murder, and after she broke up with him in “Raisins,” Stan spiraled into a deep depression. Ultimately, they still have some “deep learning” to do about each other and their relationship, which they tried to address in the episode of the same name. The end results were mixed, and while their relationship is ok for now, they both still have some growing to do if they want to avoid the fate of Stan’s parents.
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7
Worst: Carol and Stuart McCormick
Kenny’s parents, Carol and Stuart McCormick, are perhaps the most violent couple on the show. Although they’ve been together for at least 10 years, they’re horrible at communicating, and the only hobby they seem to share in common is drugs. In “The Poor Kid,” their fighting became so bad that it landed them a spot on I’m White Trash and I’m in Trouble, and even sadder, though absolutely deserved, it resulted in their children being taken away.
Poor Relationship Skills
When he isn’t drinking, Stuart seems to genuinely care about Carol, and she returns his feelings. Unfortunately, these moments are few and far between, and far more often, their relationship solely consists of drugs, arguing, and physical blows. Certainly, it seems that their living conditions and lack of money have exacerbated their issues, but ultimately, the ones who are to blame for the relationship’s failings are Carol and Stuart themselves.
6
Best: Big Gay Al and Mr. Slave
Mr. Slave and Big Gay Al are two of the only openly gay men in South Park. During “Follow that Egg!” it was revealed that the two had started dating, much to the disapproval of Mr. Slave’s ex, Mrs. Garrison. Though she tried to end the relationship, by the end of the episode, the two had celebrated their wedding. Later in “The F Word,” the couple was horrified to learn that the boys were using the homophobic F slur. However, after realizing the word was being used to refer to Harley riders, they agreed that the definition should be changed.
They’re Super, Thanks for Asking
Big Gay Al helped Mr. Slave realize that he deserved more than Mr./Mrs. Garrison, and in turn, Mr. Slave gave Big Gay Al real affection and devotion. Although the two have only been seen in a handful of episodes since, they’re one of the more stable South Park couples, with a relationship built on mutual respect and care.
5
Worst: Stephen and Linda Stotch
Stephen and Linda are Butters’ abusive parents who have no business being together. In the episode “Butters’ Very Own Episode,” a closeted Stephen cheated on Linda, and she responded by trying to kill Butters, reasoning that he shouldn’t live without her (as she was planning to kill herself, too). The two then tried to cover up the attempted murder by blaming it on “some Puerto Rican guy.” Eventually, they confessed their crimes, but somehow, that only made things worse.
Bad Couple, Worse Parents
Even when they’re not trying to kill Butters, Stephen and Linda are constantly grounding him, or sometimes, even beating him. Although they haven’t faced any huge arguments (or murders) in the episodes since, if a relationship is about honesty and trying to bring out the best in each other, this couple falls several shortly.
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4
Best: PC Principal and Strong Woman
PC Principal and Strong Woman were the unexpected yet entirely predictable pairing to emerge during Season 21. He’s PC, she’s Strong, and together, they’re a force to be reckoned with. To be fair, it did take some time for them to get to this point in their relationship, as PC Principal was worried about improper workplace boundaries and Strong Woman was concerned about not being a strong, independent woman. However, they’ve since admitted to their feelings and are currently raising PC quintuplets together.
Strong Relationship
Although they initially hid the relationship, it’s only strengthened since others found out about them in “Splatty Tomato.” So far, they appear to be doing a good job of not only raising their children but also supporting one another through whatever comes next.
3
Worst: Saddam Hussein and Satan
Saddam and Satan were a match made in Hell, with Saddam proving himself to be a horrible partner to Satan, as he was only interested in his power. They previously broke up at the end of South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, only for Saddam to return and compete for Satan’s affections in “Do the Handicapped Go to Hell?” Fortunately, in “Probably,” Satan banished Saddam to Heaven, thus signaling an end to their relationship… probably.
He Can’t Change
Though his song, “I Can Change,” tried to suggest the opposite, it became increasingly clear that Saddam was only interested in his own best interests. Satan had every right to break up with the dictator and banish him to Heaven, and our only regret was that he didn’t do it sooner.
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2
Best: Tweek Tweak and Craig Tucker
South Park’s number one couple shows that the power of Japanese girl shippers cannot be stopped. The duo’s first real interaction was far from romantic, as they found themselves in a physical fight during “Tweek vs. Craig.” A few seasons later, several students at school began drawing yaoi of them, and the town became convinced that they were meant to be. While initially hesitant, the boys soon realized they had no control over destiny, and after accepting the relationship, it turned into something real.
Put It Down (in the ‘South Park’ History Books)
After committing to their fake relationship, the boys became closer and built an authentic bond. The full extent of Craig’s love and support for Tweek is best seen in “Put it Down,” where Craig spends the whole episode trying to help Tweek overcome his fears. Of course, their relationship isn’t perfect, as seen in “Buddha Box,” when Craig tries to hide from his relationship pressures. However, they’re constantly seen holding hands, offering encouragement, and just generally being there for each other, including in the Post-COVID special. While the pairing was originally a joke, they’ve since become the sweetest, most serious relationship on the show.
1
Worst: Heidi Turner and Eric Cartman
To the surprise of everyone, Cartman and Heidi began dating in Season 20. Originally brought together by social media-related circumstances, Heidi appeared to leave a good impression on him, at least for a few episodes. Several cracks began appearing toward the end of the season, with Cartman trying to hide his lies and Heidi worrying that she’d made a mistake, but not wanting to admit it. By Season 21, things had devolved so badly that Cartman was trying to get Heidi kidnapped by a witch (…because she took too long getting dressed), and soon after, Heidi had turned into a mini-Cartman who reveled in her own horrible behaviors.
The Worst of the Worst
It’s pretty incredible that on a list including Saddam and Satan, Heidi and Cartman have managed to come out on top as the worst relationship. But given all the horrible things Cartman has done during the show, maybe it’s unsurprising. Fortunately, the two have since broken up, with Heidi slowly trying to return to her old self. However, she previously took Cartman back against her better judgment, and we can only hope she’s learned from the last time and won’t make the same mistake again.
