Heart Eyes disembowels Valentine’s Day in a grisly laugh riot that mocks romantic comedies. The tongue in cheek slasher flick takes an Olympic dive through tired horror genre tropes and comes up for air with a devilish grin. The film doesn’t take itself seriously, acknowledges absurdity with slivers of clever dialogue, and then doubles down on the carnage to fill fandom’s expected gore quota. The plot makes zero sense outside the overall premise, but that’s not entirely detrimental. Fantastic chemistry between capable leads keeps your attention when common sense attempts to overtake the bloody fun.
Gruesome Slasher Fun
A hilariously annoying couple stands before a dream vineyard setting to immortalize a joyous occasion. Let’s just say that a party-crasher has other intentions. Screams, chases, and horrific death ensue with our masked antagonist leaving a familiar calling card. In nearby Seattle, news outlets warn that the Heart Eyes Killer, abbreviated “HEK,” which I assume is a reference to the infamous “BTK” murders, has arrived. The Valentine’s Day couple slayer, who previously struck in Boston and Philadelphia, was now a West Coast threat.
Meanwhile, at a local coffee shop, Ally (Olivia Holt), a recently dumped ad executive, sadly scrolls social media as her ex-boyfriend makes her replacement Instagram official. A trip to retrieve her weird drink order leads to a memorable encounter with a dashing customer. Monica (Gigi Zumbado), her co-worker and bestie, watches her race out the door in embarrassment. Ally has to get to work. She’s in big trouble and doesn’t have time to flirt.
Ally’s boss excoriates her over a failed commercial campaign before their entire office. She’s hired a consultant to fix the mess. Ally’s stunned to see the handsome stranger from the coffee incident. Jay (Mason Gooding) invites her to dinner to brainstorm a new strategy. But on the background TV, a reporter updates that HEK has slaughtered another couple in the city.
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A Likable Pair of Protagonists
Director Josh Ruben (Scare Me, Werewolves Within) has a great track record with horror comedies. He understands that believable protagonists are integral to audience engagement. You need to care or at least feel sympathetic for the targeted victims. Otherwise, there’s no reason to root for their survival. They can be killed and easily forgotten like mincemeat background characters. Casting Holt and Mason were the right choice in a film that depends on likability.
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Ally and Jay represent polar opposites in the search for a partner. A heartbroken Ally curses romance as myth. There’s no such thing as true love. Every relationship is going to end by cheating, boredom, or eventual death. Jay’s a true romantic who embraces kismet. His chance flirtation with Ally and subsequent meeting at work must be a sign of something special. They’re obviously meant for each other, despite Ally’s protestations. Hmm… I wonder what traumatic event could bring them closer together?
A Valentine’s Day Massacre
Heart Eyes exploits this predictable and saccharine scenario for a gruesome killing spree in expected environments. You’ll laugh out loud as they’re pursued on a bustling street and then suddenly appear in a creepy abandoned warehouse. It’s as if they were magically transported to a death trap with dark corners and flickering neon lights. Ruben and his writers make no effort to ever explain the sudden change of settings. The pretty girl and guy running around blindly is just standard horror fodder.
The HEK costume is also a source of chuckles. The mysterious assailant wears heart-shaped red goggles, throws daggers like a circus performer, and wields a crossbow better than Robin Hood on his best day. Ruben teases the killer’s identity as another nod and wink to generic masked murders. Someone in the cast is the culprit. Are you smart enough to sniff them out? The answer won’t surprise you in the least, but it isn’t completely predictable. The WTF reveals fit into the story’s context of savage kicks and giggles.
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Humor Over Horror
Heart Eyes’ biggest flaw is that it doesn’t know when to quit. Scenes linger for too long after they’ve lost their effectiveness. This repeatedly happens. The leads get stuck somewhere and fumble their escapes as the mindless should while HEK rages like a deli slicer at a sausage convention, and they’re still yapping through the bloodbath. This lack of awareness and self-preservation is meant to be humorous. But the gag wears thin by the second act and ends up becoming unnecessary filler. That’s not good with a runtime slightly over 90 minutes.
The practical effects team strike a good balance between campy and realism. The violence will elicit cheers for macabre creativity. Ruben builds graphic steam to a solid payoff in the finale. I normally despise gratuitous gore, but romance can be brutal. That’s the point of the film. Those looking to be scared out of their minds need to mitigate expectations. There are a few jump scares, but nothing to haunt your nightmares. The humor works best here and earns a positive recommendation. Heart Eyes is a production of Spyglass Media Group and Divide/Conquer. It will be released theatrically on February 7th from Screen Gems.
